A few words about my recently departed brother — a short, incomplete remembrance, if you will:
Kirk was born November 22, 1946, on our parents’ third anniversary. He was named Kourken Haig, after our father’s mother’s youngest brother, Kourken, and after our father’s older brother, Haig, who was killed in the Second World War.
Kirk didn’t begin talking until he was four — then, suddenly, he started in with what our parents called “a full vocabulary.”
When Kirk was twelve, he was almost killed by the blow of a baseball bat in our backyard. He was catcher; our other brother, Jim, was pitcher; and a farm friend from a few miles up the road was batter. Kirk was standing too close when the bat came around and hit him squarely on the nose. You can imagine the scene: the howls of pain, the frightened boys, our parents running out to see what had happened. Kirk’s nose was crushed — a bloody pulp. He was rushed immediately to the family doctor, who, when he saw what had happened, called a specialist from a neighboring town fourteen miles away. That doctor, with our father looking on until he passed out, somehow managed to salvage Kirk’s nose — or, at least, a nose, as the procedure involved some reconstruction. Later he told the family that Kirk had come within a fraction of an inch of being killed. And so that’s why Kirk’s nose was slightly crooked. I don’t remember if he snored. The batter’s parents, of course, insisted on paying the doctor bills. In those days there was no insurance involved, nor did there need to be. The boys remained friends. The batter’s mother was my dear piano teacher, Mrs. Crawford.
Something else happened when Kirk was twelve: he was given a chemistry set. That’s when he decided he would be a scientist. And a scientist he became, esteemed for his talent, commitment, humor, generosity, and friendship by friends and colleagues the world over.
By the time Kirk left for Canada in 1970, he had earned two degrees in his chosen field. His Master’s was accomplished in nine months by working from six in the morning to midnight, seven days a week. Once, when he was told that with his background and knowledge he could work as an officer in a less bloody part of the war, he said, simply, that he would never use his knowledge to harm others. He earned his Doctorate in Canada, which welcomed his efforts, and his eventual citizenship.
During our growing-up years, we played together, worked in the vineyard together, ate together, went on family outings together, visited friends and relatives together, and even watched the San Francisco Giants and Willie Mays together — all as a simple matter of course. That’s why, I suppose, watching him get on the plane for Canada on that strange November day was one of the hardest things any of us in the family had ever done. And there had been plenty of hard things. A book would be needed for all of the details. Would he ever be allowed to return? As good fortune would have it, years later, yes. But he only came for visits. Not once did he consider living in this country again. Early on, after he was settled, he called the love of his life, Diane, and asked her to join him. They were married in Vancouver in 1971. I was his best man. I would have moved there myself had the war not “ended.” Yes — when it comes to war, quotation marks are still needed around such a term. For war will not, cannot, end until we end war in ourselves.
Kirk and Diane had two sons. Their youngest, Kent, cared for his father at home from the moment he was diagnosed with a brain tumor until his death ten and a half months later. Their eldest, whose name is also Kourken Haig, is a professor of philosophy in France. Diane, a victim of Multiple Sclerosis, passed away at the age of fifty-five in 2003. What more can I tell? As I said, a book would be needed. Or maybe this is book enough — a short book; a sweet book; a book that ends with a smile.
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Categories: Sweet Sleep and Bare Feet
Tags: Amnesty, Books, Canada, Departures, Diane, Family History, France, Kirk, Love, Memory, Mrs. Crawford, Multiple Sclerosis, My Father, My Grandmother, My Mother, Names, Noses, Our Old Farm, Peace, Philosophy, Smiles, War, Willie Mays
William Michaelian 
Now, Kirk’s story is universal. It live in my head, in my heart. I permit me think about him like a friend. A friend I didn’t know, but I can say about him : this man was a good man.
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Thank you, Gabrielle. Thank you for reading, thank you for feeling, and thank you for your beautiful, kind response.
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Very touching.
Life is an unscripted movie.
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I love the haze around the edges, and the little skips and cracks in the film. And the way no one sees their name when the credits roll. Thanks, Terveen.
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Thank you for sharing. I too feel like I have come to “know” your brother, what an amazing individual he was. If you were to write a book, I would be among the first to get a copy. I appreciate your writing – how even for us, where English is not the primary language, we can feel the nuances and details and warm emotion.
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That’s wonderful to hear. I regard our communication here as a kind of miracle. Every observation teaches me something, makes me go back and look again. Thanks, Takami. My brother did visit Japan many years ago — I think it was to take part in a conference. But I don’t remember the details, other than to say how much he enjoyed his time there.
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Thank you, Mr. William for your kind reply. I am honored that your brother visited my country, and that he enjoyed his time here.
Regarding the incident with his nose, it is a reminder that many things are so similar regardless of country. “Back in the day” here too, if there were any mishaps involving children, there was an unwritten “scout’s honor” system, and the parents would pay for medical expenses etc., the kids remained friends, and there was no need to involve insurance and lawyers. Things are very different now, of course. It is hard to say if it is better or worse…but the world certainly has changed.
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That it has. As for better or worse, it’s best not to measure; rather, let’s live day to day in a way that doesn’t add anger and strife to the world. We’ll be scouts without uniforms, and elders who remember their childhoods, and who still live them today.
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I’m sitting here freezing at my son’s baseball game binge reading your blog. I absolutely love your work. Sorry to hear about your brother. He sounds wonderful though.
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That he was. Thank you. It’s not exactly baseball weather here either. Very happy that you stopped by.
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And oops it’s his baseball practice. I would never read sitting his game. That’s what comes of trying to type on a phone.
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A beautiful book, indeed.
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Thank you. How strange… I just found your kind reply in spam. Well, never mind. By now I think you know how much I appreciate your visit.
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You’re most welcome and the appreciation is mutual.
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